What's Child Abuse?
“What is done to children, they will do to society.”
Karl A. Menninger, Psychiatrist (1893-1990)
"Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.”
Herbert Ward
Tell me, what exactly is child abuse? Why am I asking? Because I’m confused;
After all, what age is a child, and how does one determine that they’re being abused?
Is it a smack (as some claim), a beating, or rather, sexual molestation,
Or could it also be what we don’t think it is? — oh, please, some clarification!
Could child abuse be ridiculing them, or yelling at them uncontrollably,
Perhaps not scarring them physically, but certainly so emotionally?
Could child abuse be a bad example, one that has them acting as wrongfully,
Or parents steering them in the wrong direction, passing on hang-ups, sadly?
Could child abuse be introducing a child to life-threatening activities,
Or giving them unhealthy food — perhaps in order to quieten them, or to please?
Could child abuse be introducing a child to substances that could injure them,
Or that might create an addiction, from which trouble and heartache might later stem?
Could child abuse be teasing them, leaving them on their own in a car, or at home,
Or neglected discipline, an unsecured gate whereby onto a road they might roam?
Could child abuse be not taking them to a doctor when taking them would be wise,
Or sending them to school without lunch, giving them nasty frights that could traumatize?
Could it be exposing them to pedophiles via dressing them up sexy, publicly;
I’m referring to daughters, barely school age, sporting makeup, dressed in what’s skimpy?
In other words, child beauty contests, where little girls are made to look adult-like,
Which the corrupted and villainous desires of a pedophile must excite?
Could it be exposing their very sensitive fragile hearing to injury,
Via home or car stereos that thump away pumping out some harmful frequency,
And whilst that child is trapped (as it were) inside their home, or buckled in their car seat,
Having no control (whatsoever) over that excessive volume, mind numbing beat?
Could it be exposing their hearing to those praise sessions that one hears nowadays,
Where musicians via electric guitars and drum-kits crank it up in order to please?
Mothers holding babies, children seated near the front, volume far to loud for all;
And if not at praise sessions, some noisy concert, or noisy function in a hall?
Could it be exposing their hearing to the likes of sports events where crowds often roar,
Or noisy racetracks, or indeed anywhere where noise and voices too loudly soar?
Yes, to any injurious noise at all that could be avoided, and that should be
Wherever there is sensitive fragile hearing that could be damaged very easily?
Could it be exposing their innocent eyes to any violence on TV,
Or that which is seen via computer games, cartoons, comics, or even publicly,
That being, what’s seen on TVs on display in shops, on billboards, buses, magazines, books,
Or to be more precise, almost anywhere that the innocent child nowadays looks?
Could it be exposing their eyes to adult sexuality that’s also seen,
Images beyond their maturity, (violence so often a part of that scene),
Images seen too early, and some that shouldn’t be seen at all, shamefully,
Images that young minds can’t assimilate correctly — perhaps try to copy?
Oh, could child abuse also be encouraging a child to play with a toy gun,
(Via giving them such), effectively teaching them that pretending to kill is fun?
Or perhaps it’s a knife or sword that suggests approval of such violent pretense,
Overlooking that later in life real violence may occur as a consequence?
Yes, many a love affair with weaponry has turned into a calamity,
A love that so often is encouraged early via imitation weaponry.
And it’s early that most harm is done, I suspect, and no doubt some unwittingly,
But it’s surely still abuse, whether it be done knowingly or ignorantly.
Could
child abuse be not being there for them when they need you -- that is,
when you could be, And when you should be, and willingly -- not
just sometimes, but whenever necessary?
Could it be leaving them in another's care when they're in need of your company,
Or not providing them with a sound foundation -- a moral compass, effectively?
And tell me, what about marital shouting matches, and all those breakups we see,
In other words, the disintegration of a child’s required security?
Surely these things outweigh a careful smack; and they certainly lead to injury,
Yet, are they considered as child abuse, and also outlawed legislatively?
Why’s there a penalty for certain child abuses, but not the rest, seemingly?
What kind of signal are we sending here? Are we simply displaying hypocrisy?
Is some child abuse acceptable? Do we only outlaw that which seems worse to us,
And over the rest just mutter our disapproval perhaps, not make any fuss?
Hence why I’m seeking clarification, for there’s a glaring inconsistency
Given that these other things I’ve mentioned are harmful -- yet, not outlawed legislatively.
Seems a smack, a beating, and sexual molestation are the preoccupation,
And why I ask: What exactly is child abuse? Please further my education.
(Yes, I could have mentioned more abuses).
By Lance Landall
Mind How You Treat The Young
Be patient with young people, for their emotions are tender, even fragile, and they, lacking in maturity,
Given that experience comes with age — and the longer we live, the more experience we gain, naturally.
And with such experience comes maturity, a better understanding, and more self-control — well, hopefully so,
For in such areas, even older folk can be lacking, and therefore certain things not appreciate or know.
Young folk need the gentle touch, one that gives them room to learn and grow, and that also knows where firmness is needed,
For those who neglect such, not seeing its importance, soon see wisdom, instruction and boundaries little heeded.
And besides, a wise and loving firmness where such is clearly needed, gives young people a sense of security,
For the gentle touch is one thing, but foolishness quite another, for we all must learn responsibility.
But first and foremost must come that gentle touch, lest some young person lose heart — and oh, how they can so very easily,
Especially if their tender feelings and over concerns are laughed at, or made light of, most insensitively.
And even more so, where put-downs are thrown their way, for they need encouragement, and other folk who believe in them,
As far too many are quick to spot a young person’s failings, and rather than helping, unproductively condemn.
Many young folk go off the rails due to the accumulated thoughtless hits that they’ve been subjected to, sadly,
And there are those who commit suicide, be that consciously, or amidst a drug and alcohol morbidity.
Hence why people need to be very careful about how they treat young folk, and given they don’t see through older eyes,
Which is why they do some crazy things, just like older folk did when they were young, and that now totally mystifies.
By Lance Landall
To The Angry Young
(A letter from someone out there)
Dear troubled one, and this from a fellow sufferer: How I so desire to relieve that pain within you,
For within my life — a book now in its final chapters — I’ve felt the coldness and cruelty of others too.
And just like you, I’ve walked that lonely road too — even thought about ending it all — and I, just as angry,
Others unable to understand the turmoil within me, and nor I, not that they tried, quite frankly.
So yes, I can imagine how you’re feeling, how you may even want to lash out — “I’ll show 'em! I’ll teach 'em!” —
Yes, been there done that, others' indifference acting like sandpaper, and at times, inner rage to the brim.
Oh, how I could’ve kicked back — big time — they so sure they had the answers-cum-me sassed out, such fuelling the fire,
I confused, lacking in confidence, insecure, even frightened — and against me, life seeking to conspire.
I’ve no doubts that such harks back to my childhood — but hey, I’m no psychologist — and what do they really know?
Well, I guess they have their place, even a caring counsellor too — the trouble is getting a good one though.
I know that they’re out there, read enough books to know that, but they’re never about — well, at least when one needs them,
Though there're plenty of armchair critics about with lots to say, and who point their callous fingers and condemn.
Now don’t get me wrong, if there’s help of sorts available — go for it! — but there’s no magic wand, kind of thing,
And personally, I’ve not got any answers, perhaps never will, though I’d be grateful for anything.
And I can tell you this, (having spent many years on Earth): Don’t make things worse for yourself, nor cut your life short,
Because you’re too darn precious for that, even if no one has told you so, nor given you the time or thought.
Okay, so you’ve messed up — well, you haven’t got that on your own either, (and such is no wonder) — yes, me too —
But you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, so don’t let your background wreck that, for believe me, you will get through.
And you can still have a good life too, though if you’ve a mind too, and that’s the key, as the past we can’t undo,
For even when we figure out what went wrong, and why we are like we are, it still comes down to me and you.
Yes, this world is full of the walking wounded, oft the result of bad parenting, or parents not being there,
They too busy with their career, and too tired once home — many working due to necessity, to be fair.
And
hence those latchkey kids, mums not there when they’re babies, infants,
toddlers, preschoolers, nor there through their school years,
Hence that empty house, they lonely, neglected, and underneath, feeling rejected, no waiting arms or ears.
So hey, I understand, and oh, how often things compound the situation — and yes, help not always there —
And why we wounded oft have to make it on our own, and why something that I think’s useful I’d like to share,
And though it may sound corny, it’s a very constructive thing — and a friend — but forgive me, a kind of prayer:
“Help me to be to others what I so desire they would be to me, but aren’t,” for surely the answer’s there.
You see, people may never be there for us like they should be, and so many people just don’t understand,
Nor even care, and thus we wasting our time feeling angry, rather than getting what we can from life, and,
Putting our own experience to good use by reaching out to fellow sufferers, thus we being near at hand,
Rather than letting our wounds spoil the rest of our life, or see us take our life, when hope’s so near at hand.
And that hope is found in that healing that comes from our caring for others, for there’s no hope in being angry,
For all such does is finish the job that the wounder started, or worsen our battle, and this, pointlessly.
Sure we’re handicapped given our wounds, but we’re not without ability, nor incapable of victory,
We refusing to be victims and throwing off that mantle of oppression that they placed on us so cruelly...
And even unintentionally.
And yes, I know how much such hurts and hampers, and it’s a reason for our behaviour, but not an excuse,
For two wrongs don’t make a right, and thus we indulging in the same folly which will increase and not reduce.
It’s best we cut our losses, and make the best of a bad situation, thereby turning the tables on fate,
For life’s an opportunity that many don’t even get, and too precious to waste on anger and hate.
Yes, despite those things that can dog our steps, (and more so if we let them), we can still rise above such, and should,
Seeking whatever will aid us on the path to recovery, and when we do, success is the likelihood.
For as they say, where there’s a will there’s a way, and wounds common fare for most, and something dealt with on the way;
Such being how we achieve happiness despite such, joy midst sunshine or rain, and how in life’s puddles we play.
So never nurse your wounds, nor become the prisoner of your background or the hostage of your thoughts — and please —
Don’t take it out on others, they oft having wounds of their own, or same sad background which their joy seeks to seize.
And as I mentioned, it’s pointless to add to our load, and more so when there is hope at the end of that road;
Something we may not think at the time, but trust me, I’ve been there, such being something my attitude overrode.
By Lance Landall
"It's easier to love and nurture a boy than mend a man."
Author Unknown
Recommended reading: Home By Choice by Brenda Hunter, Ph.D. This book details and exposes
the emotional scars-cum-serious consequences that can occur due to
placing babies, infants, toddlers-cum-preschoolers in childcare centres.
Television — The Kid-napper
What parents choose to watch is one thing, but what they let their children watch is quite another, obviously,
Given that TV is a dangerous moulder of young minds, and hence that copycat behaviour we see.
Yes, a medium where heroes are as violent as their enemies, and thus an even greater threat,
For such use weaponry and fists in order to achieve some good — and do kids copy their heroes? You bet!
...even more so.
Oh, that daily diet of gratuitous violence coupled with the sexual — but wait, there’s more, so much more —
All of it saturating young and fertile minds, which, faulty heroes and bad role models come to adore.
Yes, minds shaped by the warped school of television, where so much is distorted, and where wrong’s oft taught as right,
And we wonder about kids today — the raunchy, twisted, ghoulish-cum-blood and gore constantly in their sight.
And we also wonder why women are seen as objects — well, check out what your boys are watching on TV,
For there, throwing themselves on men as they tear off their clothes are groaning women who’re hyped up sexually.
Or women allowing lustful men to do the stripping, roughness all part of the scene, and so on it goes,
As daily the vulgar, smutty, crass, shallow, senseless, silly, cruel, nasty, feigned and false destructively glows.
Yes, what a cocktail, children immersed in a world of fantasy and fiction, (their parents joining in too),
While standards, principles and morals are trashed in front of their mesmerised eyes — a world that’s toxic and askew.
A world where the programmes-cum-movies and ads are full of anything but what’s best, and hence how we thus invest
In a future that can only get worse, for television’s a curse, and why its removal I suggest.
Yes, not just a kid-napper, but a pied piper that leads adults away as well, so very easily,
It being the black sheep of the family, a rebellious influence — and oh, how it acts so stealthily.
Hence why children want to do little else but stare at its beguiling contents, midst snacking unhealthily,
Thanks to irresponsible parents who’ve lost control, or who the dangers of such, can’t or don’t want to see.
By Lance Landall
"Violent
heroes are more harmful than even violent villains. Children imitate
more often the characters whom they like and find most appealing."
Dr. Joseph Strayhorn, child psychiatrist Medical College of Pennsylvania.
"TV is the single most significant factor contributing to violence in America."
Ted Turner
"TV is the most powerful thing that has ever been invented."
Ozzy Osbourne
Mind Harry Potter
I’m appalled and amazed by the naivety and irresponsibleness of those parents that I see,
Who encourage their children to dabble in the occult — well, effectively, that is — and indirectly.
Thus, when I mention the likes of Harry Potter, you may well jeer, but just like there’s soft porn and hard core porn
So it is when it comes to the occult, Harry Potter being a stepping stone of sorts, and hence why I warn.
The fascination with such territory, which the likes of Harry Potter stirs, can only lead to ill,
For there’s certainly an evil supernatural force, one that’s known to beguile, corrupt, enslave and kill.
And many who have dabbled in the occult can testify of such, having struggled to be free of such,
And struggle they have indeed, for it’s a force that doesn’t like to let go once folk are in its evil clutch.
The only place you’ll find good wizards is in a book, for good wizards don’t exist — they’re imaginary,
For the world of magic wands, spells, flying broomsticks, vampires, ghosts and so on, is an evil one, believe me.
A world where blood sacrifices, (both animal and human), sexual initiations and orgies-
Cum-the ghoulish, bizarre and hellish, are common fare — a world that seeks to destroy whoever it can seize.
Those books and movies that effectively condone and promote such, are influencing a generation,
One that won’t know fact from fiction, so lost in fantasy, a truth and error fusion-cum-exaggeration.
Yes, a generation that’s becoming hooked on the occult, a territory once condemned, and rightly,
But which is now being enjoyed in homes across the world, where it dangerously mesmerizes folk nightly.
Oh, how such is made to seem harmless — just a book, just a movie — however, such is still seizing young minds,
And why in time a migration from soft core to hard core occultism one inevitably fines.
What appears harmless is often not so, but rather, a subtleness that lures and addicts incrementally,
And in a case such as this, ensures a generation ripe for the plucking, which most parents fail see.
By Lance Landall
"I
get letters from children addressed to Professor Dumbledore, and it's
not a joke, begging to be let into Hogwarts, and some of them are
really sad. Because they want it to be true so badly they've convinced
themselves it's true."
K.J. Rowling herself speaking to Newsweek
"Any
time the dark side of the supernatural world is presented as harmless
or even imaginary, there is the danger that children will become
curious and find out too late that witchcraft is neither harmless nor
imaginary."
Lindy Beam, Focus on the Family
The Adventures Of TinTin
We wonder why there's so much violence — and due to hate speech, play with freedom of expression, perilously,
Yes, we’re busy downing this or that, lamenting the deterioration on Earth, those unkind acts we see,
And yet — via the likes of The Adventures of TinTin — we feed our children a steady stream of violent acts,
Which aside from displaying blatant hypocrisy, counteracts what we’re saying-cum-negatively impacts.
It appears that we haven’t learnt that we can’t have it both ways — hence not just TinTin but Asterix and so on,
(Even fairy tales), which, when one thinks about it, simply makes a farce of that anti-smacking carry-on.
Yes,
“Don’t smack kids,” they cry, “Don’t hurt creatures,” they holler — and
the list goes on — but meantime, “Have a read of TinTin,”
Where over the violence found in comic-cum-junk food equivalent of books, their children giggle and grin.
Yes, it’s intriguing how we down violence, yet watch so much of it on the TV, young children in the same room,
They, as well as each parent, soaking up the blood and gore, the stabs and punches, and amidst such, the doom and gloom.
And we wonder why so many children act insensitively, even cold-bloodedly, and adults as well,
All having been fed such from a very young age, and with regular top-ups — yes, a sure recipe for ill.
And don’t forget those toy guns that we give our kids to play with, just like those seen in The Adventures of TinTin,
Or those swords like the one that Asterix wields — when he’s not using his fist — such oft tied in with the masculine.
And while I’m on the subject, there’s also the likes of Superman — all using violence to solve issues, sadly,
Which we and children wade through for some dubious good — we, up to our neck in guilt — they, knee deep in injury.
By Lance Landall
Hi There, Son
Hi there, son. I was just thinking of you, as I often do, and it had me feeling melancholy-cum-sad,
For we’ve had our clashes haven’t we, and I amidst issues of my own, haven’t always been the best dad.
Thus, it could be argued that I shouldn’t have had kids, son, though if I hadn’t of, there wouldn’t have been you,
And yes, I do love you, though in my own flawed way, and both those clashes and my wrong behaviour truly rue.
Nothing prepares one for fatherhood, and each child is different, thus mistakes are oft made right to the end,
And by that I mean, when one has raised children, and then you still learn things, or only then fully comprehend.
And hey, our mums and dads weren’t always the best role models, we therefore oft repeating their mistakes, sadly,
And consequently reaping what they reaped, a cycle that’s oft perpetuated, albeit unconsciously.
But at least I have learnt to say, “I’m sorry,” son, for though you oft rebelled, I sometimes responded badly,
Though not without seeking help, help that sadly wasn’t there for me, or at least not as much as help should be.
And that’s part of the problem for dads, men being men and all that, though help often isn’t there for mothers too,
Many of them caught in the crossfire, torn between their feelings for both, they sometimes not knowing what to do.
Anyway, I’m sorry for where I’ve erred, son, and wish you all the best, and I'm hoping we can have more contact —
Time together, that is — as fewer years are left for me, and health is waning — and oh, how things can distract.
Though my father erred too, I wish that he were still around, as these days, I see things rather differently,
And as time goes by, no doubt you, son, for the years teach much which the days never know, unsurprisingly.
Love, Dad.
By Lance Landall
The Cost Of Today's Music
Gerry passed the requested spanner to his father who used it to tighten the sump nut — the oil change done —
A father and son combined effort, and Gerry’s father most appreciative of the help of his son.
They duly tidied up and both washed their greasy oil stained hands, a hot drink and biscuit waiting patiently,
Such gratefully seized upon as they rested their backs against the seats in the sunbathed conservatory.
Music waffled soothingly from within the home, crooners of years gone by, cheery relaxing melodies,
But such hardly the kind of music that the oft assaulted ears of the younger generation would please.
Though not the case with eighteen year old Gerry, he having been exposed to good music from a very young age,
And now enjoying it as much as his father, rather than whatever music might be the current rage.
Gerry’s voice broke the silence. “I love that tune, but whenever I turn it up at work I get howls of protest.
It has such a nice melody, not that the younger ones at work see it that way, for all they do is jest.”
Gerry’s father put his drink down. “Well, son, they haven’t grown up with such like you, such being common fare round here,
And we did take pains to create an appreciation for good music, lest you too, son, good music jeer.”
“Parents who don’t take such pains are hardly acting responsibly, or, (and this next thing far too often true),
Haven’t had the benefit of such themselves, and thus really know no better — such not an excuse, mind you.
For the duty of every parent is to take whatever steps they can to find out what’s best for their child,
And in every way, otherwise that child is all the less for such, and worse case scenario, running wild.”
“Most of the music that is out there today is far from good music, despite the younger set thinking so,
Their ears not having been trained to register good music, and they thus slaves to what they’re fed on the radio.
Yes, such being devoid of wholesome lyrics and musical beauty, it restless, wild, shallow, sex and beat ridden,
And given it’s all they seem to want to know, it’s all they will know, truly good music remaining hidden.”
“They’re just not interested, Dad” Gerry quipped. “No, son, and if I may use the following analogy,
It’s like only having had spicy food, say, and thus food without such seeming bland, though it best quality.
And as far as spicy goes, such being very unhealthy, and hence why those who always have their food spicy
Oft end up on dialysis machines; and so it is with today’s music — it too, acting negatively.”
“You see, it’s not just what we eat, but what we read, watch and listen to that affects us for better or worse,
And why as far as the mind goes, and even things physically, today’s music is often more a curse.
And why an appreciation for good music isn’t around the same, nor good music, needless to say,
For the music industry is driven far more by money than good taste, and why worse keeps coming our way.”
“Another problem with the music of today is that it’s usually bound up with moral decay,
And by that I mean, images-cum-gyrations borrowed from strip joints and porn flicks, which sees kids further stray.
And hence those unfitting mental associations with different songs, wholesomeness losing out once more,
All such suggesting an even bleaker future, because we all become what we idolise and adore."
By Lance Landall
