Introduction
Tender
Spot is a special little corner on my website where I am placing anything that expresses loving concern
for
others -- somewhere to go when you're feeling tender emotionally, and
where tender thoughts are expressed that display empathy for the
wounded and struggling.
You're welcome to send me something
that you feel would be suitable for such a page, (in fact, please do), but on the
understanding that it must be something that's soley written as opposed to the
likes of pictures, and that I will only use what takes my fancy. In
other words, what you send me might be good, but simply not what I'm
particularly looking for, so please don't be offended if I don't use it. Even what I personally
pop below may not fully live up to my intentions here given that I
may not always be able to find what I'm really looking for, and given
that I'm not a lover of
platitudes -- you know, that pie in the sky stuff. In other words, I'm
looking for that which really
speaks to the situation, that which bares its soul, that which speaks
in defense
of, and on behalf of, all who've been mistreated, and/or are deeply
pained, and that above all, shows empathy, rather than those "pick
yourself up..." or "smile and the world smiles with you..." quips or
quotes, which while they have their place, (and are often used out
of place, I might add), certainly aren't
desired nor required here.
And
hence the following comment I came across in an article by Mark Miller
entitled "Pious Platitudes Turn Friends Into Tormentors" --
Platitudes
are often ways of not entering into the actual suffering of the other
person. They are ways of avoiding the intense emotional anguish that
the other person feels. Tossing a platitude into the life of another is
often a way of saying "Your suffering isn't all that important; get
over it." And the implication is, "You are interfering with the daily
routine of life."
And another comment I came across, this time by Renee Hendricks --
The
truest measure of friendship, love, and humanity is the ability to
reach out to that person who is feeling overwhelmed and is hurting. Not
with platitudes and Bible verses but with genuine care and support.
And yet another, by Mary T. Kelly --
And
then after the platitudes have been said and embedded solidly into the
tired and frazzled minds of the wounded souls, the silence comes. The
phone doesn’t ring, the emails stop, the texts stop texting...But there
is no more precious gift we can give than the gift and time of our
presence and ability to sit, be present and listen with no compulsion
to fix or solve.
"Oh,
the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person;
having neither to weigh thoughts nor to measure words but to pour them
all out, just as it is, chaff and grain together, knowing that a
faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping,
and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away."
Dinah Maria Craik -- her quote oft attributed to George Elliot by mistake (whose real name was Mary Anne Evans).
"When we honestly ask ourselves
which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is
those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen
rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender
hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or
confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement,
who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us
the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
Henri J.M. Nouwen
"It was only a sunny smile, and
little it cost in the giving, but like morning light, it scattered the night, and made the day worth living."
Anonymous
“Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead
of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance
and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to
empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being."
Marshall Rosenberg
"There is no effect more disproportionate to its cause than the happiness bestowed by a small compliment."
Robert Brault
"Life's most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing
for others?"
Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Make no judgements where you have no compassion."
Anne McCaffrey.
"Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up."
Jesse Jackson
"Charity sees the need, not the cause."
German Proverb
"Too
often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a
listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Leo Buscaglia
"Empathy
depends not only on one's ability to identify someone else's emotions
but also on one's capacity to put oneself in the other person's place
and to experience an appropriate emotional response"
Charles G. Morris
"A hurtful act is the
transference to others of the degradation which we bear in ourselves."
Simone Weil
“The ocean is made of drops."
Mother Teresa
“Let your heart feel for the afflictions and distress of everyone.”
George
Washington
"I believe that this neglected,
wounded, inner child of the past is the major source of human misery."
John Bradshaw
"Sympathy is two hearts tugging at one load."
Charles Henry Parkhurst
"There is no greater loan than a
sympathetic ear."
Frank Tyger
"Tis not enough to help the feeble up, but to support them after."
William Shakespeare
"Simple
explanations of the cause of emotional illness just don't exist,
because we are all fearfully and wonderfully--and differently--made. To
say that an emotionally ill person is totally and personally
responsible for his or her problem because of personal choices and
actions is tantamount to saying that someone with diabetes or heart
disease chose to be ill. Personal responsibility plays a part in
emotional illness, but in almost every case it is only one piece of the
puzzle."
Dwight L. Carlson, M.D.
"The heart has eyes that the brain knows nothing of."
Charles Henry Parkhurst
"All great discoveries are made by men whose feelings run ahead of their thinking."
Charles Henry Parkhurst
"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain:
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."
Emily Dickinson
"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
Kahlil Gibran
"There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best."
Ella Wheeler Wilcox
"Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings."
Miles Franklin
"We are, many of us, a planet orbiting somebody's sun, unconscious of a lonely moon, orbiting our planet."
Robert Brault
"Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys."
Alphonse de Lamartine
"I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice."
Abraham Lincoln
"When a person is down in the world, an ounce of help is better than a pound of preaching."
Edward G. Bulwer Lytton
"No stranger to trouble myself, I am learning to care for the unhappy."
Virgil
"The capacity to care is the thing that gives life its deepest meaning and significance."
Pablo Casals
"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have."
Margaret Mead
"A torn jacket is soon mended, but hard words bruise the heart of a child."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are people who were hurt more than us."
Philipos
"I'm not very good
At this Game called Life
For I've not learned to see children crying
Without feeling pain
For I've not learned to watch animals destroyed
Without wondering why
For I've not yet met a king or a celebrity
That I would bow down to
Or a man so insignificant
That I would use for a stepping-stone
For I've not learned to be a 'yes man'
To narrow minded bosses
Who quote rules without reason
And I've not learned to manipulate
The feelings of others
To be used for my own advantages
Then cast aside as I see fit
No, I'm not very good
At this Game called Life
And if everything goes well
Maybe I never will be."
Javan, American author and poet
"Where there is great love there are always miracles."
Willa Cather
"The
greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love
and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the
greater is our own sense of well-being."
Tenzin Gyatso
"A
helping word to one in trouble is often like a switch on a railroad
track... an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity."
Henry Ward Beecher
"People need loving the most when they deserve it the least."
John Harrison
"A
stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be
compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because
he has been hurt."
G.K. Chesteron
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"
George Elliott
"The tears I feel today
I'll wait to shed tomorrow.
Though I'll not sleep this night
Nor find surcease from sorrow.
My eyes must keep their sight:
I dare not be tear-blinded.
I must be free to talk
Not choked with grief, clear-minded.
My mouth cannot betray
The anguish that I know.
Yes, I'll keep my tears til later:
But my grief will never go."
Anne McCaffrey
"How sad it is that we give up on people who are just like us."
Fred Rogers
“There
are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion, that if by
chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble, drops some
careless word, it overflows, and its secret, spilt on the ground like
water, can never be gathered together.”
Henry Wadsworth
The following poem is called "Will You Please Think Again"
No one’s problem is quite the same, even if it be so in name,
For many
forms, and various strengths, simply make it not the same.
Yes, complexities
within each mind, and within our bodies too,
Come tailor-made in so many
ways, that make me, me, and not you.
Thus, what may well be short for you, for another may well be long,
Or
what effects a cure in you, for another soul could be wrong.
And for some
folk it's a battle that persists throughout all their days,
While for many
other people, it's simply just a passing phase.
Yes, for some it is just the blues, while for others it’s darkest night,
Thus, many can see a rainbow, but to others, there seems no light.
Therefore, judging their experience as being just the same as your own,
May make their struggle much harder, and leave them feeling more alone.
You may think that you have the answer, but in fact, you may be wrong,
For although the tune may seem the same, does every same note belong?
You see, though an apple's an apple, not all apples taste the same,
And
therefore, our opinions are often best kept where they can’t maim.
If you think that it’s self-pity that is keeping them where they’re at,
They can tell you very clearly that their suffering’s not worth that!
There are always those who think they've the answers to another's woe,
But could they be that very person, soon their words would cease to flow.
One day it might surprise you if affliction that's the same as theirs
Suddenly right out of nowhere in your much brighter life appears.
And
therefore, it really doesn’t pay to boost another’s aching
By some wrong
word or action, thinking that it’s of their own making.
If they were you, it may well be so, that some changes could be made,
But
as they’re not, please don’t burden them with those things that they can't
trade,
For often they would swap (if they could) their life and
circumstances,
But such folk well know that such thinking so, simply just
romances.
It’s true that some people must accept a certain degree of blame
For the
state that engulfs them now, and the trouble that shortly came.
However,
though that be the case, the results can be excessive,
And sometimes the
hardness others display, makes their plight progressive.
Many folk do the best that they can, which is all that one can do,
And
although it may be less than you, such you shouldn't misconstrue,
For any
wrongful expectations will just fuel their daily pain,
And even cause their
steps to falter, or remaining hope to drain.
Although you may not understand, you can still show them that you care,
Via an arm around their shoulder, so that they’ll feel your presence near.
And sometimes it’s not words they're wanting, but love expressed in motion,
Which often does these folk far more good, such being the needed potion.
Genuine love is not selective, and certainly doesn’t feign,
And though
frustrated or rejected, its persistence doesn't wane,
Thus, even when the
one that it's helping it doesn't understand,
It sets aside its misgivings
and just gives them a helping hand.
And remember that the one who’s helped, could have others in their care,
Thus, through aiding such a one, you may well answer another's prayer.
Yes, life is really just
a circle, and a circle has a way
Of blessing all those who take time to help
someone who can’t repay.
The
above poem is a very early poem of mine that comes from my secular
poems section. It is one of the first poems I did, and one I've since
upgraded. I thought it apt to repeat it here.
"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."
Dalai Lama
"The soul of conversation is sympathy."
Thomas Campbell
"Nothing increases the respect and gratitude of one man for another more than when he is heard exactly and with interest."
R. Umbach
"Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not."
Samuel Johnson
"True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not."
Unknown.
"A smile cures the wounding of a frown."
William Shakespeare
"Kindly
words, sympathizing attentions, watchfulness against wounding men's
sensitiveness — these cost very little, but they are priceless in their
value."
Frederick W. Robertson
"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
Unsure of source
Joseph Addison
“A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded.” Tyne Daly
"Kindness is loving people more than they deserve."
Joseph Joubert
“A true friend
knows your weaknesses
but shows you your strengths;
feels your fears
but fortifies your faith;
sees your anxieties
but frees your spirit;
recognizes your disabilities
but emphasizes your possibilities.”
William Ward
"Sound hearts have open minds, sympathetic ears, charitable eyes, encouraging lips, supportive shoulders, dependable backs, loving arms, helping hands, creative fingers, concerned legs, thoughtful knees, humble feet, and mindful tippy toes."
The Author
Christian Section
"And
yet the fact remains that there is no conceivable way of proving that
we love God other than by loving men. And there is no conceivable way
of proving that we love men than by doing something for those who most
need help."
William Barclay
"Little is much if God is in it."
Kittie J. Suffield
"Fits
of depression come over the most of us. Cheerful as we may be, we must
at intervals be cast down. The strong are not always vigorous, the wise
not always ready, the brave not always courageous, and the joyous not
always happy.
There may be here and there men of iron to
whom wear and tear work no perceptible detriment, but surely the rust
frets even these; and as for ordinary men, the Lord knows and makes
them to know that they are but dust.
Knowing
by most painful experience what deep depression of spirit means, being
visited therewith at seasons by no means few or far between, I thought
it might be consolatory to some of my brethren if I gave my thoughts
thereon, that younger men might not fancy that some strange thing had
happened to them when they became for a season possessed by melancholy;
and that sadder men might know that one upon whom the sun has shone
right joyously did not always walk in the light.
It
is not necessary by quotations from the biographies of eminent
ministers to prove that seasons of fearful prostration have fallen to
the lot of most, if not all, of them. The life of Luther might suffice
to give a thousand instances, and he was by no means of the weaker
sort. His great spirit was often in the seventh heaven of exultation,
and as frequently on the borders of despair. His very deathbed was not
free from tempests, and he sobbed himself into his last sleep like a
greatly wearied child."
Charles Spurgeon
"Hereby
perceive we the love of God, because He laid down His life for us, and
we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." How often I think of
that 'ought.' No sugary sentiment there. Just the stern, glorious
trumpet call, OUGHT.
Amy Carmichael
"We
must never minimize the suffering of another. Scripture's mandate to us
is, "Weep with them that weep." (Romans 12:15, KJV) "
Billy Graham
"The
first service one owes to others in the fellowship consists in
listening to them. Just as love of God begins in listening to His Word,
so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to
them. It is God's love for us that He not only gives us His Word but
lends us His ear. So it is His work that we do for our brother when we
learn to listen to him."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"Kind words, kind looks, kind acts and
warm handshakes, these are means of grace when men in trouble are
fighting their unseen battles."
John Hall
"People
often find to their horror that the most agonizing aspect of a painful
trial is the well-meaning remarks and advice of fellow Christians."
Grantly Morris
The following poem is called "Everyone Needs Someone"
People need people and friends need friends
And we all need love for a full life depends
Not on vast riches or great acclaim
Not on success or on worldy fame
But just in knowing that someone cares
And holds us close in their thoughts and prayers
For only the knowledge that we're understood
Makes everyday living feel wonderfully good
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need
When we "lock up our hearts" and fail to heed
The outstretched hand reaching to find
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind
Are lonely and longing to somehow share
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware
That life's completeness and richness depends
On the things we share with our loved ones
and friends.
Helen Steiner Rice
The following poem is called "Just Rest In His Love"
Dear child of God, suffering under the depression of ill health, never forget that your Saviour deeply cares,
And that He feels every pang of anguish that His loved ones feel, and hears every cry that they utter midst their tears.
Oh, how Jesus sympathises, and having suffered Himself, His love still as deep as that shown on Calvary,
And hence why He’ll never leave or forsake you, for He who died for you, also watches over you, faithfully.
So please don’t fret, but just rest in His love, even if just clinging to a grain of mustard seed, for that will do,
And just as a loving father holds his little child in his arms, He too, when you’re weak and anxious, will hold you.
He knows that you love Him, and oh, how even deeper He loves you — a friend you can trust, one who always proves true —
A God who cares for each little sparrow, a God who knows your plight — yes, a God who will always be there for you.
So just rest in His outstretched arms, for that’s all He expects you to do, aware of your weakness and misery,
And if you’re faithful, trusting in His loving care and promises, He will soon reward you with eternity.
And then, along with the others so blessed, you’ll praise Him with a voice of triumph, forever remain in His care,
Daily enjoying His presence, free from that burden that once plagued, courtesy of love and mercy true and clear.
But meantime, midst those shadows that mar your life, never forget that your loving Saviour is always very near,
And that nothing escapes His attention, nor escapes His tender compassion, each moment, day, week, month and year.
For He’s the God of love, a God who cares so much for you that He gave His life for you, so that with Him you’ll soon be,
Free from that which chokes joy and happiness — yes, free from the depression of ill health — alias infirmity.
The above poem of mine comes from my Christian poems section. I thought it apt to repeat it here.
